Thursday, August 2, 2007

First Munich.... then the World!

I guess you could say that I have been promoted. Actually, I kind of volunteered for it.

So, I am now officially the "Team Leader" at New Munich Tours.
Not the boss, but just underneath that. What does this mean?
I get to handle all the crappy stuff the boss hates. Awesome.

This consists of dealing with number crunching, figuring out payments, scheduling conflicts, "quality control", etc. The Quality Control is my favorite. It sounds so Dilbertian, but its pretty simple (as I imagine quality control usually is): I jump on the tours of my underlings (hereafter referred to as "piss-ants"... a rather clever word play on "peasants." [Have you noticed, faithful reader, that I tend to congratulate myself on successful witticisms? Weird.]) and make sure that they are giving good tours and not forcing their tour groups into contemplations of mass suicide. I also train the piss-ants, ensuring that they replicate the epitome of tour-guiding excellence, namely, ME (hereafter referred to as "El Guapo.")

El Guapo (who shall hereafter refer to himself in the third person) currently rules by decree, enforcing his will with a loosely clenched aluminum fist!

(they were all out of tight iron fists. Dammit.)

After succesfully raising himself on a healthy diet of fear and tears and first born children, El Guapo currently resides in his palace built from the broken dreams of others, and spends his time terrorizing the local population of piss-ants while sipping a fresh cappoccino (one shot of espresso. I HATE strong cappoccinos. If I wanted to drink axel grease, I would. If I wanted you to drink it, you would. I want a smooth, creamy cappoccino. Now.)

And they say power corrupts...
Signed,
The Galactic Commander
El Guapo.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

what is wrong with you!?

Aunt Kathy said...

You crack me up! You are one sick puppy!
Love you,
AK

Mom said...

Matthew:
You have truly lost your mind.

DesertGnome said...

i love the galactic commander reference, hahaha. but remember, I will always outrank you, being the intergalactic commander, and all.