I have to share this video because it is so damn smart.
And fucking funny.
"A Trailer for Every Academy Award Winning Movie Ever Made"
http://www.cracked.com/video_18156_a-trailer-every-academy-award-winning-movie-ever.html
Monday, March 15, 2010
Quiche You'reLame
I was sitting down at a cafe, minding my own business, reading a book and eating my breakfast, when I started to eavesdrop on the conversation going on next to me. After a few moments, I realized that it was a job interview. The guy being interviewed was young, well dressed, maybe a tad nervous, but doing alright from the looks of it. The interviewer was a young women, fulfilling that sort of demi-god like status that many interviewers assume: the fountain of knowledge screening those who wish to sup. At least, that's how I use to do it.
The conversation was light hearted at first. Just some general info. However, their harmless tete-a-tete was interrupted when a waitress came up to the table and asked what they would like to eat.
"Come on brother", I quietly mouthed as I stealthily sipped from my now tepid double macchiato. I knew that this is the guy's opportunity to really send some ass-kicking subtle signals to the interviewer. He can show that he is a hard worker and a real go-getter by ordering something assertive. Order something that impresses the lady. Order something that makes her go "Wow, that sounds great. I'll have that too."
His order: Quiche, and a glass of water.
You poor pathetic pussy willow. Quiche? QUICHE! Now, I'm not here to demean the gastronomic qualities of that venerable dish-- but quiche?! What message was he trying to send with that one?
-"I like my lunches light because I have a very very sensitive stomach. Too much protein makes me gassy and bloaty."
-"Oh, just a water for me. I'm cheap."
Quiche Lorraine?
Quiche. You're lame.
The conversation was light hearted at first. Just some general info. However, their harmless tete-a-tete was interrupted when a waitress came up to the table and asked what they would like to eat.
"Come on brother", I quietly mouthed as I stealthily sipped from my now tepid double macchiato. I knew that this is the guy's opportunity to really send some ass-kicking subtle signals to the interviewer. He can show that he is a hard worker and a real go-getter by ordering something assertive. Order something that impresses the lady. Order something that makes her go "Wow, that sounds great. I'll have that too."
His order: Quiche, and a glass of water.
You poor pathetic pussy willow. Quiche? QUICHE! Now, I'm not here to demean the gastronomic qualities of that venerable dish-- but quiche?! What message was he trying to send with that one?
-"I like my lunches light because I have a very very sensitive stomach. Too much protein makes me gassy and bloaty."
-"Oh, just a water for me. I'm cheap."
Quiche Lorraine?
Quiche. You're lame.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Let me preface this: I am not insane.
That being said, I have had three encounters with "voices" or "feelings" or "phantasmas" in the past year. All three of them occurred while I was on the verge of consciousness-- not quite asleep, but definitely not awake either. If I remember correctly, at least two of them happened when I fell asleep with the lights on (I must have been reading before bed).
In order to maintain a degree of credibility, I need to chose my words carefully in attempting to describe the first "feeling". Ok, I was lying in bed and I felt a "demon-feeling" over me. The oddest thing is that I "saw" it too. The best way to describe this thing that I didn't see, but kind of felt or saw in my head, was that it looked like a lamprey. Yeah, that eel-like jawless fish.
(see picture here: http://library.thinkquest.org/03oct/00946/pic_used/sea_lamprey.jpg)
I "saw" that type of circular jaw-sucker thing over my face that night. There were no sounds. I even tried to move away or fight back, but I was frozen in bed unable to move.
The second "feeling" was that I was being choked by a person holding a bar of iron or metal to my throat. Again, I couldn't move. Except this time, I got so pissed that I kind of lurched up and attacked the air. In a way, I broke through that catatonic state and regained consciousness, somewhat abruptly.
The third sensation happened three nights ago. I don't want to go into too much detail, as it is a sensitive subject. But, to put it simply, I heard my dead grandmother's voice calling my name, three times.
I need a vacation.
That being said, I have had three encounters with "voices" or "feelings" or "phantasmas" in the past year. All three of them occurred while I was on the verge of consciousness-- not quite asleep, but definitely not awake either. If I remember correctly, at least two of them happened when I fell asleep with the lights on (I must have been reading before bed).
In order to maintain a degree of credibility, I need to chose my words carefully in attempting to describe the first "feeling". Ok, I was lying in bed and I felt a "demon-feeling" over me. The oddest thing is that I "saw" it too. The best way to describe this thing that I didn't see, but kind of felt or saw in my head, was that it looked like a lamprey. Yeah, that eel-like jawless fish.
(see picture here: http://library.thinkquest.org/03oct/00946/pic_used/sea_lamprey.jpg)
I "saw" that type of circular jaw-sucker thing over my face that night. There were no sounds. I even tried to move away or fight back, but I was frozen in bed unable to move.
The second "feeling" was that I was being choked by a person holding a bar of iron or metal to my throat. Again, I couldn't move. Except this time, I got so pissed that I kind of lurched up and attacked the air. In a way, I broke through that catatonic state and regained consciousness, somewhat abruptly.
The third sensation happened three nights ago. I don't want to go into too much detail, as it is a sensitive subject. But, to put it simply, I heard my dead grandmother's voice calling my name, three times.
I need a vacation.
Karzai the Corrupt
Karzai is a fool.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/24/opinion/24wed2.html?scp=5&sq=karzai&st=cse
Corruption, once suspected, is now obvious. This is simple logic people: If an "elected" official controls the committee that oversees elections, that is corruption.
The question, now that we know Karzai is playing the Afghans and the Americans for fools, is what to do? Should NATO continue supporting a corrupt regime? Let's look at a similar case in the not-so-distant past: The Shah of Iran. On the surface, the two leaders are quite different. The Shah was not elected (well, one could make the argument that Karzai wasn't either). The Shah was a secular figure; Karzai has some Muslim affiliation. The Shah succeeded his father; Karzai was installed after the American invasion. The list goes on.
What they do share is that both unpopular leaders were/are supported by the US, and grew increasingly brazen in their quest for personal power. The Shah clamped down on opposition political parties (eventually outright banning them), and Karzai is simply making a farce of the electoral system. He's too weak to characterize as an "autocrat" like the Shah. In all likelihood, taking over the electoral oversight committee wasn't his idea and he personally won't be controlling it-- but that's another story.
If NATO continues to support Karzai, we can expect:
1. Presidential decree granting him a life term in office.
2. Magnanimous decision to step down from office and hand over power to a chosen puppet-successor, a la Putin/Medvedev.
3. Revolution, most likely an Islamist leaning one. My guess is that it will be a former warlord, maybe a Soviet-era mujahideen fighter. A peace offering to the Taliban will be followed by more fighting.
What's the solution? I have no idea. Heavy decentralization of power to minimize grand corruption? Maybe. It would limit the amount of power and access to resources that a given strongman could wield. But, the neo-Taliban would spread unhindered in these circumstances. Pull out and let the Taliban take over? Hell, if nothing else, that would be a great ploy to get Al-Qaeda to return to Afghanistan.
Whoa, this is brilliant. Yeah: plant friendly, loyal to the US Afghans throughout the country (along with some US operatives). Let the Taliban take over. Wait for Al-Qaeda to return to a supposedly NATO-free Afghanistan. Let them return to the training camps. Let them return to the caves. Wait for everybody to feel safe and back home. Monitor them, then-- spring the trap. With NATO's people already in place, they could scoop up the whole Al Qaeda network in a few days of frenzied action.
No. Too Hollywood. I don't know what to do with Karzai. Let me think about it.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/24/opinion/24wed2.html?scp=5&sq=karzai&st=cse
Corruption, once suspected, is now obvious. This is simple logic people: If an "elected" official controls the committee that oversees elections, that is corruption.
The question, now that we know Karzai is playing the Afghans and the Americans for fools, is what to do? Should NATO continue supporting a corrupt regime? Let's look at a similar case in the not-so-distant past: The Shah of Iran. On the surface, the two leaders are quite different. The Shah was not elected (well, one could make the argument that Karzai wasn't either). The Shah was a secular figure; Karzai has some Muslim affiliation. The Shah succeeded his father; Karzai was installed after the American invasion. The list goes on.
What they do share is that both unpopular leaders were/are supported by the US, and grew increasingly brazen in their quest for personal power. The Shah clamped down on opposition political parties (eventually outright banning them), and Karzai is simply making a farce of the electoral system. He's too weak to characterize as an "autocrat" like the Shah. In all likelihood, taking over the electoral oversight committee wasn't his idea and he personally won't be controlling it-- but that's another story.
If NATO continues to support Karzai, we can expect:
1. Presidential decree granting him a life term in office.
2. Magnanimous decision to step down from office and hand over power to a chosen puppet-successor, a la Putin/Medvedev.
3. Revolution, most likely an Islamist leaning one. My guess is that it will be a former warlord, maybe a Soviet-era mujahideen fighter. A peace offering to the Taliban will be followed by more fighting.
What's the solution? I have no idea. Heavy decentralization of power to minimize grand corruption? Maybe. It would limit the amount of power and access to resources that a given strongman could wield. But, the neo-Taliban would spread unhindered in these circumstances. Pull out and let the Taliban take over? Hell, if nothing else, that would be a great ploy to get Al-Qaeda to return to Afghanistan.
Whoa, this is brilliant. Yeah: plant friendly, loyal to the US Afghans throughout the country (along with some US operatives). Let the Taliban take over. Wait for Al-Qaeda to return to a supposedly NATO-free Afghanistan. Let them return to the training camps. Let them return to the caves. Wait for everybody to feel safe and back home. Monitor them, then-- spring the trap. With NATO's people already in place, they could scoop up the whole Al Qaeda network in a few days of frenzied action.
No. Too Hollywood. I don't know what to do with Karzai. Let me think about it.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Talking Snakes and Invisible Men in the Sky
Oh my God. Bill Maher might be my new hero, but he might also be a weird version of me in an alternate universe.
Watch this clip and if you know me, you'll see the similarities (except he has much better hair than me).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHH2JItePlc&feature=fvw
Half Jew, half Catholic. Raised Catholic. Gave up religion at 13 (I think I was 15). Thinks that religion is laughably irrational. Dislikes the word "Atheism" and subscribes to "I Don't Know". Thinks that many religious people don't act very religious.
Golden.
Watch this clip and if you know me, you'll see the similarities (except he has much better hair than me).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHH2JItePlc&feature=fvw
Half Jew, half Catholic. Raised Catholic. Gave up religion at 13 (I think I was 15). Thinks that religion is laughably irrational. Dislikes the word "Atheism" and subscribes to "I Don't Know". Thinks that many religious people don't act very religious.
Golden.
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