Friday, July 27, 2007

How I Saved the World

Recently I was thinking about some world problems and how I would solve them. To tackle this monumental task, I used a method patented by cartoonist Scott Adams called "sitting down and thinking about it."

Waste:
We should make everything edible. Yesterday I had two scoops from my favorite ice-cream shop. One of the reasons it is my favorite shop is that the girl behind the counter is as cute as a button (I fall in love probably every second Tuesday here in Munich). Another reason why I love this place is that they serve the ice cream in waffle cups. QUE? Did you say "waffle cups?" I did. All the joy associated with the cardboard flavored waffle cone, in the convenience of a cup! What joy!

Then it hit me: why isn't everything edible? Our utensils, water bottles, plates, cups.... everything could be edible! Everybody wins. If I need just a few more calories, I can eat my cellulose spoon. The homeless could even forage for a great meal in our city landfills!

Ok, that might not be a great idea. We already have obesity problems in the US. But I have a solution!

Obesity:
City owned Gym-Power plants. I call it the "Civil Athletic Power Program." We have city owned gym equipment that is connected to cables (like most gym equipment uses now). Whenever people work out here, they lift the weights and therefore pull the cables. Those cables are connected to pistons that rise and fall with each rep, therefore producing energy. How do they produce energy? I don't know, leave that to the engineers. But you can get paid to come here, work out, produce electricity for the city, and shed those unsightly love handles! Highschool football teams could even be sponsored by these places. Hell, the Texans could power the entire country.

When I become Galactic Commander (my preferred title when I assume world power), I am going to have a group of people who just sit in a room all day thinking about problems and how to fix them. They will have an unlimited supply of 12 year old scotch, leather bound books, access to the Internet, organic cigarettes, mint tea, pancakes, and prostitutes. Anything that keeps them happy and thinking.
-Matt

4 comments:

Katie Brewer said...

You need help.
Love Katie

Mom said...

You have way too much time on your hands to think so deeply.

Al Gore said...

You have some great ideas matt. I'll work on that powerplant pronto. Not a bad idea. I love you.

Aunt Kathy said...

I kinda like the idea of everything being edible Matt. I do agree with your Mom, you have way too much time on your hands!!!!!!

Have you asked the cute ice cream girl out yet?

Love you,
AK