Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Rebel Rebel

If you had to choose to live somebody else's life, who would you choose?

At first, I was thinking Napoleon. But then I remembered that he was five feet four (give or take an inch... in height), was the object of nearly universal hatred for much of his life, and had wicked heart burn. Heart burn is the last thing I need. And oh yeah-- he lost.

Then I briefly considered Genghis Khan. Secretly, I have always harbored a deep desire to smite quivering foes atop a grand white steed... but I'll never admit that. However, the idea of drinking fermented horse milk and travelling through the Russian steppes suddenly doesn't seem so glorious. I'm all for culinary experimentation, but hot sour milk? Fuck that. And the saddle rashes would be killer.

What about Einstein? To be worshipped as the most intelligent living being seems like a pretty cushy job to me.
I got a C+ in physics and besides, I don't speak enough German.

Finally, it hit me. And it was so obvious. I knew it all along.

David Bowie.

I would love to live David Bowie's life, for like, a year. I mean, the man could do basically anything that he wanted and be worshiped as a Rock God. Here's proof:

Exhibit A:
If I want mismatched pupils, then goddammit, I'll have mismatched pupils!

Exhibit B:
If I want to waft steel stress balls at recently drugged pre-teens, then goddammit, I'll waft steel stress balls at recently drugged pre-teens! (all while looking like Mr. Spock had a love child with Rod Stewart and Jack Sparrow)

And finally, Exhibit C:
Twenty years later, a few cosmetic dentistry appointments, a new slick modern wardrobe, and the man is still a Rock God! He can't go wrong. He does no wrong. He is the definition of freedom.

Case closed.

No comments: