Thursday, April 17, 2008

MR is BA

Men I admire:

Prince (the Purple Warrior of Love... not Charles)
My father

and Mike Rowe.

Don't know who Mike Rowe is? Well you're missing out. This is my brief homage to the man himself: You might know him as the host of Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel. OHHHH!! That guy. Yeah, him. Scruffy beard, trucker hat, old blue jeans (have I ever mentioned my sincere love of old collared shirts? I just love those cotton button downs with the colors faded from sun exposure and saturated in man-sweat from years of hiking in the Adirondacks, scaling insurmountable dunes in the Atlas Mountains, and herding sheep in the Himalayas. Of course, I don't where these shirts out [nor have I scaled the Himalayas], granted, but when I put one on, I just think about the sweaty adventures to come). He might be the coolest MF to walk the planet. Honestly, who would answer this ad:

"Looking for middle aged guy to stick his arm up multiple cows' asses and rummage through horse shit while being filmed. Must endure nauseating stenches and willingly endanger his life for the sake of entertainment. Wit a plus."

Mike Rowe would.

Come to think of it, I would to. Except, I'm not bad ass enough. In fact, I am kind of like the anti-thesis to bad ass. I might talk the talk, but I cower in the corner in the fetal position, sob, and suck on my pinkies, rather than walk the walk. Mike Rowe doesn't cry. He makes Chuck Norris look like a petrified Christopher Lowell. In a hair salon.

Perhaps the coolest factoid about MR (we have the same initials) is that he used to be an opera singer. You've got to be kidding me.

So, let's compare:

ex-opera singer
Hosts hit television show
Probably bangs hot chicks
Risks life
Voted #4 Dudelist Dude by Maxim
Incredibly witty
Can probably bench press his truck
Kick ass beard stubble

ex-collegiate musical theatre... uh... participant
writes a blog. Some people read it.
Is writing said blog at 10:40pm on a Thursday night, hence, no hot chicks in sight.
Lives with his parents.
Voted "Most School Spirit" in high school. (Hence, no hot chicks in sight.)
Thinks of come backs three hours later in the shower
I almost won a fist fight with Stephan Hawkings once. He cheated.
Hell yeah.

So go out there, turn on the Discovery Channel, and marvel at Mike. Perhaps some day, with a little bit of sweat, perseverance, and sun burn, I can be a tenth as bad ass. Yeah. Maybe. A boy can dream.

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